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July 17, 2009

Greetings workers of the world! As you know, I just re-send the best joke(s) I get from the emails I gather from people all over the world. Then I add my own original drawings (which I create on the spot as I put this email together) to give it a personal touch. Most of the time I create this a few hours before Thursday midnight so if you catch a few typos, please forgive my tired mind and fingers. If this is your first time to receive this, welcome to a new and (hopefully) entertaining addiction!

Sorry for another late issue. My son decided to play volleyball last night. And, if you know me --- being with my kids is a priority over my TGIF Joke. And if you've been following my story last week, Josh had stitches on his lip from kissing someone's elbow while playing basketball. His stitches have hardly healed but he just couldn't help himself and needed to play. He reminds me of me sometimes.

Thanks to this week's winners: Dulce of Canada, Mike of New York, Janet of South Pasadena, Marilyn of Pasadena and Fran of Florida.

From Dulce of Vancover. B.C.
TGIF Wisdom:

Words of Wisdom

Man cannot live by bread alone. He must have peanut butter.

Bill Cosby


Be sure to send me your favorite jokes. The newer the better. If it makes me laugh it could be among the TGIF Jokes of the week.

TGIF people!

Dangerous Snake
sent by Dulce of Vancover, B.C.

Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now, the police had arrived.

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table.

The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department.

The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed. Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

And that's when he shot her!



A powerful message from Stevie Wonder regarding Michael Jackson
sent by Mike of New York

A powerful message from Stevie Wonder regarding Michael Jackson.

... . .... ... . … … .. …..

.. . . … . . . . . .. . .. …. .. .. . … ..
... ... .. ... ... ... ... .... ...... ... ... ... .... ..... .. .
.. . . … .. . . . ..
... . .... ... .... .... ...
...... .... .... .... ..... ..... ..... .. . . .... ....
. .. .
. . .. . .. . ...
....... ... ... ... .. ... ....... ... .. .... ... ... .... ....
. .. .. .
.. ....
.. . . . . . .. .. … ..
.. .... .. ... ... ....... ...... .....

Deep stuff huh?
I nearly cried when he said “. .. . . . .. .. … .. .. . . .... ....

Videos of the week:

Worst Movies Ever
sent by Janet of South Pasadena, CA

It's amazing that these movies even made it to the theaters. I mean ... these are really bad --- bad acting, bad directing, simply baaaad all the way.

Newspaper Headlines
sent by Marilyn of Pasadena, CA

Just put your mouse on a city anywhere in the world and the newspaper headlines pop up... Double click and the page gets larger.... you can read the entire paper on some if you click on the right place. You can spend forever here. Also, if you look at the European papers, the far left side of Germany will pop up as The Stars & Stripes (European edition, of course). AND, this site changes everyday with the publication of new editions of the paper. Hope you enjoy this.

Male and Female Brains
sent by Fran of Florida

Finally, the difference between the male and female brain explained in practical terms. It's a bit long so be prepared for the ride.

Soldier's Return
sent by Mike of New York

Arguably the best Ford commercial ever. Guranteed to tug your heartstrings and well up those tear ducts.

I'm sure this will remind you of some people.

Give us a sense of humor, Lord. Give us the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life. And pass it on to other folk

submitted by Sylvia of Virginia

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