3rd Most Popular Joke

Raoul Knows Everybody!
Contributed by Chris of Pasadena

Raoul was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I'll bet you I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff. "Okay, Raoul... how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Raoul and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Cruise answers the door, shouts, "Raoul! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Raoul's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Raoul that he thinks Raoul's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Raoul says.

"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yeah," Raoul says, "I know him. Let's fly to Washington and I'll prove it." And off they go.

At the White House, Bush spots Raoul on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Raoul, what a nice surprise! I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in. Let's have a cup of coffee first, and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Raoul, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Raoul. "I've known the Pope a long time."

So they next fly to Rome.

Raoul and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Raoul says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye down here in all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Raoul emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time Raoul returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss's side, Raoul asks him, "Boss! What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and then the Japanese tourist next to me asked, 'Who's that on the balcony with Raoul?'"

2nd Most Popular Joke

Norwegian Firefighters
Contributed by Ed of Burbank

One dark night outside of Mt. Vernon, Washington, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames.

The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact." But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Sons of Norway Rural Township Volunteer Fire Company composed mainly of Norwegian-Americans over the age of 70. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Norwegians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant ...and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside the other firemen watched as the Norwegians jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Norweigans had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave Norske fire fighters.

The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 80-year-old fire chief, "da furst ting vedo is fix da brakes on dat truck!"

1st Most Popular Joke

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
Contributed by Bernie of Virginia and Rick of Chino Hills

MUST read them out loud. WARNING: Some of these were considered offensive by a few subsribers so I had to change the words.)

1) That's not right

Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harboring a fugitive?

Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP

Kum Hia Nao

4) Stupid Man

Dum Dum Boi

5) Small Horse

Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach?

Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped into a coffee table

Ai Bang Mai Dang Ni

8) I think you need a face lift

Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here

Wai So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet

Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone

No Pah King

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week

Wai Yu Kum Nao

13) Staying out of sight

Lei Ying Lo

14) He's cleaning his automobile

Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive

Yu Stin Ki Pu

16) Great

Pow Fu Li Su Pah

Special thanks go to our two most consistent contributors to my joke list: Mike of New York and Ed of Burbank. To the rest of you thank you so much for sending me those jokes and have a Happy New Year!